


Men Like You

by BMRH



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Desperate Sherlock Holmes, Drug Use, Episode: s04e01 The Six Thatchers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Panicking Sherlock, Poetry, Sherlock Holmes and Drug Use, Sherlock is Alone, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13058013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BMRH/pseuds/BMRH
Summary: "I should have realised a long time ago that men like you can never be trusted."An interpretation of John's note to Sherlock and a poetic rendition of how Sherlock handles John breaking all ties with him.





	Men Like You

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I would be back here so soon after I finished my last fic but I managed to write a really short story but maybe even more heartbreaking than all the other stories I have written. Also, I got to work with a different writing style than I usually do. This is a season four fic with the simple aim of speculating in what John had written in the letter Molly gave to Sherlock in "The Six Thatchers" and what happened from there. Content warnings for spoilers for "The Six Thatchers", graphical depictions of drug use and looooooads of angst!
> 
> Now then… Let's cry a bit, shall we?

* * *

 

 

 

 

> _Sherlock,_
> 
> _You know people have told me many times during these years that I should have stayed away from you. I'm sorry to say that I didn't realise what they meant until it was too late. The lies have been too many and now they have destroyed us. We trusted you but you tricked us and this I blame myself for. I should have realised a long time ago that men like you can never be trusted. If I had, maybe my wife would still be alive and Rosamund wouldn't be motherless._
> 
> _Don't try to visit and don't try to contact us. Don't try anything. I don't want you anyway near my daughter, anyway near my family and I want you to respect that._
> 
> _/ John Watson_

* * *

 

He read the note over and over

Until he had memorised every part

Until he had visualised every connotation and pronunciation

While slowly feeling the taxi depart

 

Control... Control! Stay calm!

There was nothing else he could allow

But the truth had been torturing as it was

That he had failed to keep his only vow

 

Now he had no plan or solution

For once, he didn't know what to do

Molly's words still rang loudly in his head

_"He said he'd rather have anyone but you."_

 

Composure collapsed into torment

Suddenly all he could feel was pain

The reality of what he feared the most

That John Watson would _never_ see him again

 

His eyes became empty

Only stared blankly into space

"I'm sorry, I changed my mind."

"Where to then, mate?"

 

The drug den was large

Its rooms dark and cold

He knew this, he had been here before

When he was sixteen years old

 

The dealer was in a hurry

His hands shook of his own use

Heroin addict with abstinence problems

Economic ones too, way too simple to deduce

 

He waited for John to object

To stop him before it all had begun

But John was gone, John didn’t _care_

"A syringe, do you have one?"

 

Sanitation was of zero importance

Whatever available would be fine

John's voice echoed in the dealer's

_"Here. Use mine."_

 

He removed the coat and jacket

Pulled up the white shirt sleeve

Wrapped his black belt around the upper arm

He loudly urged the dealer to leave

 

He pushed the needle into the usual vein

Experienced, without a single leak

Repeated the words over and over

_Men like you...Men like you... You freak!_

 

The high increased slowly

As the cocaine entered his stream

Finally it began to numb his senses

Until it all felt like a bad dream

 

He hit his head with considerable force

When he slumped down onto the floor

Trembled while preparing the syringe again

This time with _even more_

 

No one knows and _no one will care_

He forced himself to keep breathing

The room is empty, he was alone

Why did he still hear a man screaming?

 

_Save him, save John Watson_

That's what Mary begged him to do

 _How?_ How did you do that?

When you needed saving too?

 

**Author's Note:**

> *sobs* Okay, I'm done crying now. *dries tears*
> 
> It has been almost a year now since season four and now I finally managed to write this scene in a way that would do the angst of the scenario justice. I have never been quite so emotionally torn apart by something I have written as I felt after writing this one. Sometimes I read my fics out loud to hear how the language sounds. I have cried to some paragraphs of my "John fics" before but this one just took it to a completely different level. I have worked on my version of John's note for a while but the rest of the text came to me over three days, which is an extremely rapid and unusual work pace for me. 
> 
> So how have I thought when writing this one? I had this scenario in my head that right after Sherlock leaves John's flat and reads the note in the taxi at the end of "The Six Thatchers", he is on the way back to Baker Street. That note is the final straw and he feels himself lose emotional control and the pain of it. To make it worse, he have no idea how to make things better. In the end, he can't handle it and changes his mind and goes off to numb everything in a dark drug den with a whole lot of cocaine.  
> [Un]fun fact: The first words that John ever says to Sherlock are "Here. Use mine." I wrote that down and then realised what I actually had done...
> 
> What did you think about the poetic structure and the synopsis? I think I might continue with this writing style once in a while! Maybe I should make another fic with chapters like this as "stand-alones"? As always, if you liked this story, please Comment, Bookmark and Give Kudos! You can't believe how much it means to me!


End file.
